They just don't make dungarees like they used to.

     So, if you saw my post on Facebook the other day, I split the ass of my jeans.  Not sure how it happened, but it was most likely bending over to play with the baby on the floor.  I didn't even notice--it was my Mom who did:  "Danielle, honey, you have a hole in your jeans by the back pocket...".  This really bummed me out because I've only had the jeans for 2 years.  I picked them out at the Wrentham Outlet stores and dropped a good handful of dollar bills to make the purchase.  Studying the back pockets later that day, I realized how thin the butt area had become from wear.  "From wear?", I thought to myself, "but I've only worn them collectively about 100 times in 2 years!  What crap!".  These will now have to be put aside to patch because I'll be damned if I have to throw them away after 2 measly years.
      I have a variety of jeans, but there's a specific pair that I adore.  I believe I bought them at a Salvation Army somewhere within the last 5 years.  They were too big for me last summer but I've held on to them and I am glad that I did because they fit me again after having gained quite the muffin top since having the baby.  I probably wouldn't have thrown them out or donated them anyhow because they are actually "jeans"---100% cotton through and through.  The fabric has a perfect gauge of thickness and amazing denim patina.  They are frayed and faded in all of the right spots, yet sturdy enough to give me the mileage I need.  Putting them on the other day I felt confident and fabulous as they have an ass I can trust time and time again.
     The jeans that tore, on the other hand, are the new version of the "jean".   That is--they are stretchy.  Stretchy like jeans shouldn't be stretchy.  I'm not sure if it's only women who experience this or men too.  Here's my dreadful purchasing strategy for these types of jeans:

I go to a store and skip breakfast and lunch so that I feel skinny and bloat-free.  I pick a few pairs in different shades, perhaps, or in different styles.  For sizes, I grab one pair in the smaller size that I dream of fitting into, one in the size that I know I should be, and one pair that are enormous.  I don't know about you, but I try on the pair that should fit me first.  Moderately satisfied (if I'm having a good day and if I'm not I get really cranky and pissy), I then try on the smaller pair, which won't even go past my thighs.  To rally back and feel good about myself again, I try on the largest pair and smile at the fact that my body is swimming inside the waist.  I go to the register with the one pair that fit and pay.       Commuting home from the store and going over the purchase I just made in my head, I'm already doubting the item that is sitting in that bag.  I'm thinking that I should have bought the smaller pair.  Why should I have bought the smaller pair?  I know, I know--the smaller pair were so skin tight that I'd have to put them on like a pair of pantyhose, but you know what?  By the end of the day they'd fit perfectly.  The ones I've got all folded in that bag by my side will fit when I try them on in front of the mirror, however within a few hours of wearing them they'll be all ridiculously stretched out and I'll be pulling them up by the belt loops all throughout the rest of the day.  They'll be stretched out in the waist, thighs, crotch, and ass...These will now be the jeans that I only wear around the house...Argh!  I should've bought the smaller pair and suffered in that way, but then I would have regretted buying that pair too!

     This stretching is all due to the fact that jeans are no longer 100% cotton. They have all of this other crap (nylon, spandex, rayon, etc) blended into them now that diminish the quality of the material.  When I go to wash the jeans (even in cold water) and dry them on Low or even just slung over the back of a chair, they shrink down 3 sizes and end up fitting smaller than that smaller pair I tried on back at the store. The length even shrinks! How disappointing.  Not only have they shriveled up all over, but they now look like skin-tight-painted on-sausage casing-clam diggers. If you are lucky to even get them onto your body, expect them to stretch out again within just a few hours to where you are pulling them up by the belt loops. Otherwise, bring a belt with you in your travels so you can sling it on when the need arises. After this one time wear, you'll need to wash them again just so they'll fit perfectly for that one lucky hour. It becomes a vicious cycle of wearing and washing.  All of this washing ultimately impedes on the original thickness of the material and decreases the total number of times you can wear the pair of jeans, therefore giving you much less bang for your buck (or in this case 'jean for your green'!).

     Now take the cotton version of the jean;  Trying them on can be the same ritual as above, however you can actually bring home the pair that fit you in the dressing room with confidence.  When you wear them for 12 hours, they may be oh-so-slightly stretched out by the end of the day, but they will not be stretched out so big that they've gone up 2 sizes.  In fact, you can wear them multiple times without washing them because they will not fail you.  They won't stretch out any more than they already have!  They may shrink again slightly after their next wash, but they are guaranteed to fit like a glove all over again very quickly.  These jeans will then become your best friend every time you put them on--always reliable, always complimentary, and always trustworthy.  They last years and sometimes decades and can be patched over and over again.  The thickness of the material is hardly depleted and you can always count on a luxurious soft feel and beautiful vintage look over time.

     Unfortunately you can't find the latter type in stores any longer.  It's cheaper for companies to produce the kind with the spandex in their makeup, yet charge more to make the moolah.  I find it dreadful given that cotton is a renewable resource and is promoted in commercials as such all of the time.  Pretty soon you won't even be able to score a pair in a thrift store because they'll be obsolete.  Afterall, they just don't make dungarees like they used to, so you have to scoop them up when you can!  That's why after the ass blowout I experienced this weekend in the nasty stretchy jeans, I'm heading to every SAL's in the greater Boston area to pick up some 100% jeans in my size.  Don't try and stop me!